My Friend Mary Ann


My best friend for more than 40 years is Mary Ann. Mary Ann is a natural blond in every sense of the word. When she comes by to spend the night, she and I do the talking and Jerry (my husband) just sits there in disbelief. He cracks up.

You see, a few years ago Mary Ann and I went to a weekend retreat for our church, Central Baptist Church in Oak Ridge. The retreat was in Gatlinburg. When it was time to go home on a Sunday morning we decided to take our time and go for a walk and just enjoy ourselves before we left for home. The motel where we stayed was right on a beautiful creek. I said, "Oh my gosh Mary Ann, just look at these beautiful creek rocks and they are all so natural looking." Mary Ann agreed.

So we just backed her car up and filled her trunk full of the beautiful creek rocks. When we pulled into my driveway, Jerry was out there waiting for us. I could hardly wait to show him our treasure. He took one look in Mary Ann's trunk and he could not believe what we had done. He said "Honey, these are real rocks, all right but they did not just happen. The motel paid good money to have them hauled in there. These are expensive rocks." I said "NO". Jerry said, "You girls have to take them back" But we said "No way!" Jerry said, " Pat, I let you and Mary Ann go to a Prayer retreat and you steal the river rocks out of their creek..

We both just looked at him. I said "Well, we did not know, so let's just put them in our flower garden. And that is the story about how I came to have "HOLY ROCKS" in my beautiful flower garden. Jerry says every Spring when I go out to work in my flower bed that I still need to pray for forgiveness for stealing river rocks when Mary Ann and I went to the Prayer Retreat.

And another story about Mary Ann comes to mind... Two years ago I had a cousin in Atlanta who had undergone heart surgery and she never regained consciousness. I really wanted to see her alive just one more time before she died. We had been raised as sisters and I loved her dearly. Jerry does not like to travel so he suggested that Mary Ann and I go to Atlanta. Mary Ann drives everywhere. So the next morning we were on our way. I forgot to tell you that Mary Ann has a led foot. She flies. Just because she had a brand new Toyota did not mean that she could do 75 miles an hour in a 65 mile speed zone. I kept trying to get her to slow down but she just loves to fly in her little car. I told her, "Mary Ann, we are going to get caught." Did she listen to me? NO. Not too long after that, I saw a flashing blue light in the mirror. And I said "OK Girl, you are caught now". But she said, "No problem, I can get out of this, just you watch me."

The policeman walked around the car and he did not even make us get out of the car. He said, "Honey, do you know just how fast you were going back there?" Mary Ann broke into tears as big as crocodile tears. And she looked up at him with her big blue eyes and she said, "But Officer, my sister is dying in Atlanta and I just want to get there to see her before she dies. She just had heart surgery and she never woke up. And I just have to see her once more." The Policeman asked, "Do you promise not to do it again, I just do not want to see you wreck?" Mary Ann promised and we were on our way again. This is not the first time she has been stopped and it won't be her last. I have never seen such big tears come from such a small beautiful lady. How she gets away with it, I will never know. I believe there must be a separate God for old people, babies and Mary Ann.

Mary Ann worked for UT in accounting for 30 years. She is now retired. But one morning she was late for work because she had a Doctor's appointment and once again she got stopped for speeding. This time she was telling him the truth. So when the Police stopped her, she just burst into tears and she explained, "My husband is home sick with Hemorrhoids, my little daughter has Mumps and the doctor just told me that I am pregnant again." The policeman did not give her a ticket, but he gave her an escort to the UT parking garage and helped her find a parking place.

You probably know that we have a new road to McGee Tyson Airport which has been open for only for a few years. One Sunday afternoon, Mary Ann was bored and she did not obey the road sign to the new airport that said "No Traffic Allowed." She said to herself, "OH, that little old sign is for everybody else but it is not for me." And off she went. She did get stopped and she got a ticket and had to go to court the very next morning. So she had to think of somehow to get out of this one. So she put her hair up, make up, earrings, red suit and red four inch pumps. She looked really sharp.

When she went in to the court room , it was filled with dirty people who smelled, and had been picked up on Saturday night for being drunk. So my Mary Ann just sat there all prim and proper waiting for her time to meet the judge. Who in their right mind could have missed that red suit in a room full of drunks. So the judge saw her and he called her to the front. He took one look at her and ask, "Honey, what on earth is a person like you doing in here with all of these people?" She told him, "I was just curious and I got caught." So the Judge asked, "If I let you go back to work, will you promise not do that it again?" And Mary Ann answered, "Yes Sir, I promise I will not because today it is open to the public." The Judge said, "Dismissed, now you get out of here." She had done it again. That is my Mary Ann and guess what?? She is from up the Valley.

'til later, Patsy